3 Pillars of Power: The Sacred Trio of Consent, Respect, and Reverence

What makes sex tantric? Can we just show up and do the deed and it’s done? How do we incorporate connection and intimacy into our busy lives anyway?

There are three foundational pillars that must be present for sex to transform from mere mechanics to feeling deeply connected and ultimately, into a spiritual practice. Without these pillars, intimacy is diminished and pleasure is limited.

Let’s dive into each pillar and explore its power.

1. The Power of Consent: Honoring Boundaries and Choices

Consent is at the heart of every sexual interaction. Consent can be withdrawn at any moment and without reason or explanation. Without a foundation of consent, sex devolves into the realm of violence. In yoga and tantra, we practice ahimsa, meaning non-harm or non-violence.

In practicing Tantra, consent goes beyond mere agreement. It encompasses a deep understanding and respect for our partner's boundaries and desires. Prioritising open communication and active consent allows us to foster trust and create a safe environment for exploring intimacy.

This is the basis of integrity without which the fulfillment we crave as sexual beings, cannot be met.

2. Embracing Respect: Celebrating Individuality and Identity

Respect lies in acknowledging and valuing each other's unique identities and experiences - even when it’s different from our own. This translates into seeing our partners as equal to us, as belonging to the same human family, and that by virtue of being human, we each deserve dignity as human beings. 

By operating from and treating each other and ourselves with respect, we empower the second foundational pillar that must be present for sexual interactions to be deeply fulfilling.

3. Cultivating Reverence: Connecting with the Divine Within

Reverence is about acknowledging the inherent divinity within ourselves and our partners, to literally see the divine in another. When we see ourselves and our partner/s as sacred beings, worthy of devotion and awe, we acknowledge the spiritual aspect of our shared experiences.

By cultivating reverence, we elevate our connections to a higher plane of profound intimacy and meaning. Without it, sex is just sex. It’s not tantric sex.

The Intersection of Values: How Tantra Unites Them

In the world of Tantra, these three pillars of values intertwine seamlessly, creating a harmonious tapestry of connection. Active consent nurtures an environment of trust, allowing respect to flourish. Reverence, in turn, deeply enriches the experience, recognising the spiritual realm of our connections.

Honoring Consent in Queer Relationships

In queer relationships, it is essential to prioritise consent, given the complexities that some individuals may face. By understanding and respecting our partner's boundaries and experiences, we create an atmosphere where every aspect of their identity is celebrated and valued.

Building Respectful Connections

Respect is the cornerstone of embracing the diverse identities within the LGBTQIA+ community. By acknowledging the beauty of each individual, we foster connections that honor everyone’s unique experiences, promoting a sense of acceptance and inclusivity.

Reverence for Queer Intimacy

Queer intimacy holds a profound spiritual significance, where we connect with the divine essence within ourselves and our partner/s. By approaching our connections with reverence, we celebrate the sacred nature of our experiences and cultivate a deep sense of emotional and spiritual bonding.

In the realm of intimate connections, the values of consent, respect, and reverence form the very essence of empowering and transformative experiences. Embracing these pillars through the wisdom of Tantra allows us to build connections that are founded on trust, inclusivity, and a sense of the sacred. By prioritising consent, valuing uniqueness, and recognising the spiritual depth of our connections, we foster an environment where everyone can embrace their best selves and experience the profound pleasure and fulfillment of connecting with another human being.

Enjoy practicing!

Danica x

P.S If you like this conversation, you’ll love the #1 problem that keeps queer, lesbian and non-binary couples from having a fulfilling sex life. Download your free gift now.

 Hello my friend, 🌈 I'm Danica Lani, your empowering guide on a journey of self-discovery and liberation. With over two decades of yoga practice and a decade of teaching experience, I've led transformative workshops on queer tantra for hundreds of queer-identifying women, non-binary, and trans individuals since 2014. My mission is to empower you to disappear lesbian bed death and for queer people to enjoy long, juicy, and fulfilling lives together. Join me as we discover the power of tantra within a queer context. 🤗💖 #QueerTantra